Archive | humor

Uber-Profound Thought-O-The-Day

“Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, margarita in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming ~ WOO HOO what a ride!”

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Dinosaurs In The Sink & Other Things This Mommy is Grateful For.

I came across this story I wrote over two years ago (July of 2008, to be exact) and to this day it’s one of my favorite posts I’ve written. I thought a little “blast from the past” would be fun today. Enjoy 🙂

p.s Sunday Spotlight will resume next Sunday and I have an awesome Mom-In-Business interview to share with you!

Something happens to us humans when we become parents. Our world becomes narrow and completely focused on our squirmy pink bundles of joy. It doesn’t change much as they grow either. Everything they do is exquisite..monumental…. the coolest thing we’ve ever seen. As parents, we have so many things to be grateful for…but sometimes it’s hard to remember that when your 2-year old defies keeping her clothes on, and your five-year old mouths off for the 567th time that day.

There was a dark and sad time in our life when being a parent seemed to be out of reach. After years of trying, our dreams came true and we were blessed with a child. That seven year wait has (I think) taken our gratitude to a new level. I always try to look on the bright side of life, even during the difficult times. Parenting is no different. There will be ups. There will be downs. There will be times that all you want is five minutes with someone NOT saying your name. When those moments/days hit, I remind myself, this too shall pass..and these are the things I am grateful for: for:

1. The honor of frantically racking my brain at 5 a.m….trying to think of something we have in the house that starts with “Q” that our son can take to show-n-tell that day.

2. That car seat seat belt strap that never seems loose enough, and has enough twists in it to double as phone cord, may make me mutter under my breath…but at least I have a kid to put in that car seat.

3. As the baby wakes up for the third time in one night, I remind myself I would gladly go without sleep for the rest of my life as long as I never have to feel the empty ache of childlessness again.

4. As I face-plant on the living room floor in the middle of the night, I remind myself how empty my house would be without that plastic Stegosaurus I just busted my foot on.

5. As we rewind Elmo In Grouchland for the 16th time that day, I remind myself there is nothing good on TV anyway, and these days of snuggling on the couch with our toddler while watching a furry red monster will too soon be gone.

6. As my four-year old hangs on me, whines and basically becomes my third leg, I try remember that, though she wants and NEEDS my attention me now, there will come a day when she will be too cool to even give Mom and Dad the time of day.

7. Even though part of me silently groans at the price of Pull-ups and kids shoes, I am just grateful I have little butts and feet to put in them.

8. In ancient B.C. times (Before Children) getting 8 hours of sleep was a priority and I would go to great lengths to make sure I got it. Now, I will gladly forgo sleep completely just to make sure my child’s fever stays in check in the middle of the night. Tomorrow is a new day and another chance to get a better night’s sleep.

9. I quietly cuss under my breath every time I take one of my children to the Doctor and wait in the waiting room for 45 minutes, only to be told; “it’s only a virus. It just needs to run it’s course”. But at the same time I silently say a big “THANK YOU” that it isn’t a diagnosis that involves a specialist, biopsy, or surgeon.

What are you grateful for?

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Saturday’s Simple Truths-Mom Squad Style

Life can  be tough sometimes..

So tough and complicated that it can’t be described in a few paragraphs or even several pages.

Then there’s those..moments.

Those truisms or observations that are just so obvious you want to smack your forehead and mutter “Duh!”

There following are a few of those.

A little something I like to call Life’s Simple Truths.

Some I read years ago, but can’t remember where. Some are “Becky-isms”, and some came from the lips of my many Contributing Girlfriends and Fellow Moms.

All are meant to make you smile, and should be taken with a salty grin:

* There is no excuse to be dirty. Soap is cheap and water is FREE.

* If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t there more happy people running around?

* If your kids don’t embarrass you to the point you want to die once a week, you’re just not paying attention.

* Food always tastes better when it’s FREE.

* Life always looks better on a full tummy.

* Dust bunnies make cheap house pets.

* Ka-puff-ker, toots, wind, fluffs, barking spiders. Call them what you the core they are still farts.

* If you can smile during a crisis, you must have some in mind to blame.

* If you can’t wake up with a smile on your face, got to bed with a coat hanger in your mouth.

* Our children should be the center of our world, not living on the “outskirts” of it.

Pop back tomorrow for our interview with Mom Squader Helen Parks!

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Don’t worry. We won’t be pests. We swear.

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Mommy The Human Garbage Can: The Journey From Muffin Top to Skinny Jeans

OK..maybe this post would be better if called “Habits Not Diets” because, essentially, that IS what it’s about.

But, c’mon…admit it, MommyThe Human Garbage Can is much, much…..catchier. 🙂

But unfortunately, it’s also pretty fitting for This Old Mom .

Let me rewind a bit. Years ago I read an awesome book called Habits Not Diet. Locate it if you can. Great book on healthy eating. The Cliff Notes version would be, sometimes it’s not just what we eat that makes us “fluffy”, it how we eat.

In other words, our bad habits.

Such “bad habits” would include:

1. Standing at the counter and wolfing down food while we cook or while we serve meals. That is totally a Mom Curse. We get this “smoke ’em while you got ’em” mentality that turns our mealtimes into a timed event. In my house I know at mealtimes, I might just as well plant springs in me butt because I will we leaping up from my chair like, 45 times during the course of a meal. In fact I seriously thought about implanting springs in my Hiner Region, but metal is extra weight. I don’t need any more of THAT. (plus it would be bee-atch to find pants that fit).

2. Parking at the front of the parking lot instead of parking father away and walking. See my thoughts on that here.

3. And consuming your kids leftovers from off their plates because you don’t want it to “go to waste.”

Oooohhhh it WILL go to waste, my friend. YOUR WAIST.

So step aaawwwaaaayy from the grilled cheese sandwich crusts (although they are ROCKIN dipped in Tomato Soup), the last Ravioli, or the hot dog ends! Repeat after me! 
I am not a Disposal Center!

I belatedly had this realization a few nights ago. It was an eye-opening moment where I realized that maybe I need to change my ways. My hubby, bless his pea-pickin little heart, had prepared an awesome supper. As we cleaned up, he handed me the 4 year-old’s half eaten ear of corn and said “here, finish this”.

Now, I have no qualms sharing Preschooler spit with my beloved child’s half eaten chow, but it did really bother me that my family seems to think I am Mommy The Human Garbage Can as well.

I am just waiting for them to step on my foot to see if my mouth pops open.

As I eyed the corn, my Mom’s words rang in my ears, “clean your plate! There are children starving in other countries!!!”

….but it wasn’t quite as loud as another new voice in my head (mine) that calmly reminded, “once on the lips, forever on the hips!!”

Sorry, hungry Third World Countries, I need to be able to chase my kids and not collapse like a beached whale in my backyard. So into the trash the corn went.

So here’s my challenge to you this week. Take a hard look at your habits. Are they derailing your diet efforts? Are you grazing between meals like a desperate Holstein? Are you a chronic stand-and-eat-er? Are you more likely to munch unhealthy things with a morning cup of coffee?

Tell me what are your bad habits?

Oh yeah! Don’t forget to visit the originator of this great meme Short Mama at her blog for more great (and past posts) of The Journey From Muffin Top!

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