Archive | humor

On the Days You Don’t Feel Like Trying-What Do You Do?

Adulting

There are days I just want to throw in the towel.

To not write.

To not do Social Media.

To not be perky and happy.

Then there are days when I wonder what the heck I was/am thinking/doing. Am I doing the right things? Am I heading in the right direction? Wouldn’t it be easier to just.not.give.a.crap?

Typically these blue moment, or periods of self-doubt, happen at night. When I’m tired, overwhelmed and pissed off. At no one in particular either.

By the next morning, I’m back to bursting with confidence, energy and sureness of purpose. I’m 100% certain that I’m doing the right thing.

It’s not easy.

No one ever said success would be. But what I can offer you is some tips and thoughts for those times when your spirits are low and the Stinkin Thinkin is threatening to bring you to your knees.

1. Go to bed! Wouldn’t that be the obvious choice? It’s nighttime and my body/brain says DONE! But, I think the key is to, as Dr Dillon Remmick mentioned during Happy Healthy YOU, go to bed in the right frame of mind. Don’t lay your head on the pillow running the “Worry List” through your brain. Call it a night by first thinking of four things you are grateful for. That’s it. Hit the rack with the Gratitude Attitude. Thanks Dr Dillon.

2. This is a great quote from motivator Sandy K. Sometimes in the muck of stuck, I forget that I’ve gained some ground. Instead of thawackin myself in the head about what I didn’t do, I need to review what I have accomplished and celebrate my successes. No matter how small. I have a “Victory List” on the wall of my home office. This 11×17 sheet of paper lists all the things I done/seen, experienced/accomplished. Things that give me the warm fuzzies about ME.

3. It’s a marathon, not a sprint. The path I’ve chosen is a journey, not a destination. I’m a female. I want it all, and I want it in five minutes or less. Reality is, I’m also a farmer. Planting seeds and waiting for them to sprout and grow. And that takes time.

4. Take back control, a.k.a tell people to quit “shoulding” on me. Sometimes I feel stuck because I feel trapped. Surrounded by “shoulds” and “have tos.” Trust me, I am fully aware it would be easier to reach my goals on the well-traveled path. But everything I want to accomplish is more like hacking through the jungle. It’s exhausting. But I also wouldn’t do it any other way.

Here’s another spot-on quote from Sandy K; In this case, it helps me to remember that I have choices. I can quit if I want to. Or I can change what I’m doing or how I’m doing it or where I’m doing it or when or with whom. This is MY life. MY reality. And I create it, dammit.

5. Time moves forward. It helps me to remember the quote my Gramma always used about unpleasant things; “This too shall pass.” And it always does. I know one thing for certain: whatever crabbies or self doubts I’m feeling today? They won’t last.

6. Get a good support crew. As my bestie Shannon always says “run with the motors and leave the anchors behind!” Make your support system people who build you UP, not tear you down. It’s very hard to strive for your dreams when people around you are telling you how it can’t be done. Pick your Circle of Influence, and guard them like life depends on it.

It’s a Journey. Take a small step forward. Then repeat.

What do YOU do when worry and self-doubt is threatening to derail you?

The School Called. Your Kid Ate Some Skull Today (True Story)

**The names have been changed to protect the innocent***

I now know yet another reason God blessed me with children

It’s to make me go “are you frickin kidding me?” on a regular basis.

Let me start by saying I am 99.9% sure NO parent likes to get calls during the day from their child’s school. They are seldom good. The Principal does not call to say “Hey! Just thought I’d call to let you know we think Little Johnny ROCKS!”

The nurses office does not call to say “We just wanted to ask what you are feeding Little Sally cuz, well, she’s just so darn HEALTHY!”

So let me set the scene for you. It was Thursday. I am the road driving home from a sales appointment. My cell phone rings at 2:00 p.m and it’s The Hubby. Wouldntchaknow, the first words out of his mouth are “the school just called. You’ll never believe what your kid did today.”

Let me set the scene for you:

*ring*ring*

Hubs: “Hello?”

School: “Hello Mr Franticdaddy. This is Basker School nurse’s office calling.”

Hubs: “Oh gawd now what?”

School: “Nothing serious. No cause for alarm Mr Franticdaddy. We just wanted to make you aware of an….um…incident that occurred today with your son J.D.”

Hubs: “Is he OK?”

School: “Oh yes yes he’s fine. There was…um..just a…unique situation in his First Grade class today.”

Hubs: “Lovely.”

School: “Well… apparently one of J.D.’s classmates brought a deer skull today to show during snacktime. And well…the skull was..umm…..CRUMBLY.”

Hubs: “Crumbly?”

School: “Yes crumbly. And…well…apparently during snack time…your son…well…he accidentally ingested a piece of the deer skull.”

(Note: At this moment Hubs admits to pausing and glancing at the calendar to make sure it was NOT April Fools Day.)

School: “Mr Franticdaddy are you still there?”

Hubs: “Yes I am here. ..SO..you’re saying my kid ate part of a crusty deer skull with his snack?”

School:“Um…er…YES. And he’s fine. Not sick or anything. We have him in the nurses office for observation. We just wanted you to know of the situation. Do you have any questions Mr. Franticdaddy?”

Hubs: “YES….just one. What the hell was he eating as a snack that would enable to him to eat SKULL and not know it??”

School (long pause), “We are not sure. He just commented it was…well…(*cough*cough*)..crunchy. Like I mentioned before, we have him in the nurses office at this moment. You know, just to keep an eye on him.”

Hubs: “Keep an eye on him, eh? So are you waiting for him to sprout fur or something? Send him back to class!”

In case you were wondering, I DID pull over to the side of the road to avoid swerving, jackknifing, or t-boning anything just because I was laughing so hard I thought I might hyperventilate.

Or pee my pants. Whichever came first.

After relaying this whole scenario, hubs next words were. “SO..what do you think of all of that?”

What did I think?

I remember thinking…well…I guess he’s had his calcium for the day.

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Springtime and The Bear In Me

Finally, the sun is out again!

 A series of dark gloomy days and March-like temps ( in May) has left my fridge bare and my pants snug. These cold temps make me want to hibernate.

Again.

Like a bear. In fact, I’ve come to the conclusion that I am part bear.

“Teddy bear?” you ask. Not so much. Probably more like a grizzly bear.

When the outside temps dip below 40 and the leaves begin to turn, bears begin their tradition of eating everything in sight, getting fat, and then heading to the cave to sleep it off for the next 4-5 months. 
For me the uncontrollable urge to give into my inner bear starts about the same the time every year. Beginning around what I call “eating season” or some wiser folks would call “The Holiday Season”

It’s about that time I begin my “farewell to food tour” which usually entails eating everything in sight and eating often. It’s my personal prequel to my annual New Year’s Resolution which is, (shock, shock) for me is to lose weight.


So like a bear, fat and sassy into the winter season I go. But here’s where that darn bear has one-upped me. He can take his chubby ol body and SLEEP through the coldest and most miserable part of the winter. Only to wake up in the Spring, hungry, ornery, and THIN.

 I, like our friend the bear, welcome Spring by being hungry and crabby….but crabby because I’m down to two pair of pants that fit. And terrified by the thought of exposing any part of me between my eyeballs and toes to the viewing public.


About March, I allow myself a quick visitation of summer wardrobe that once again I won’t be able to wear. Shorts? Ain’t happenin this year. Capris? Only if I’m feeling brave and am not out of self-tanning lotion. Cap sleeves? Not in this lifetime.

So off to the store I go to stock up on long pants and oversized t-shirts. Maybe I will get lucky this year and there will be a new special summer clothes section for Yogi Bear-shaped-forty-something-Mothers-of-two.

I am kinda feeling the the dress-with-leggings-underneath look. My deepest fear is that someone will walk up to me and ask “SO..when’s your baby due?”

I guess if I try that look, I’ll get a lot of exercise “sucking in my gut.” 

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