**The names have been changed to protect the innocent***
I now know yet another reason God blessed me with children
It’s to make me go “are you frickin kidding me?” on a regular basis.
Let me start by saying I am 99.9% sure NO parent likes to get calls during the day from their child’s school. They are seldom good. The Principal does not call to say “Hey! Just thought I’d call to let you know we think Little Johnny ROCKS!”
The nurses office does not call to say “We just wanted to ask what you are feeding Little Sally cuz, well, she’s just so darn HEALTHY!”
So let me set the scene for you. It was Thursday. I am the road driving home from a sales appointment. My cell phone rings at 2:00 p.m and it’s The Hubby. Wouldntchaknow, the first words out of his mouth are “the school just called. You’ll never believe what your kid did today.”
Let me set the scene for you:
School: “Hello Mr Franticdaddy. This is Basker School nurse’s office calling.”
Hubs: “Oh gawd now what?”
School: “Nothing serious. No cause for alarm Mr Franticdaddy. We just wanted to make you aware of an….um…incident that occurred today with your son J.D.”
Hubs: “Is he OK?”
School: “Oh yes yes he’s fine. There was…um..just a…unique situation in his First Grade class today.”
School: “Well… apparently one of J.D.’s classmates brought a deer skull today to show during snacktime. And well…the skull was..umm…..CRUMBLY.”
School: “Yes crumbly. And…well…apparently during snack time…your son…well…he accidentally ingested a piece of the deer skull.”
(Note: At this moment Hubs admits to pausing and glancing at the calendar to make sure it was NOT April Fools Day.)
School: “Mr Franticdaddy are you still there?”
Hubs: “Yes I am here. ..SO..you’re saying my kid ate part of a crusty deer skull with his snack?”
School:“Um…er…YES. And he’s fine. Not sick or anything. We have him in the nurses office for observation. We just wanted you to know of the situation. Do you have any questions Mr. Franticdaddy?”
Hubs: “YES….just one. What the hell was he eating as a snack that would enable to him to eat SKULL and not know it??”
School (long pause), “We are not sure. He just commented it was…well…(*cough*cough*)..crunchy. Like I mentioned before, we have him in the nurses office at this moment. You know, just to keep an eye on him.”
Hubs: “Keep an eye on him, eh? So are you waiting for him to sprout fur or something? Send him back to class!”
In case you were wondering, I DID pull over to the side of the road to avoid swerving, jackknifing, or t-boning anything just because I was laughing so hard I thought I might hyperventilate.
Or pee my pants. Whichever came first.
After relaying this whole scenario, hubs next words were. “SO..what do you think of all of that?”
What did I think?
I remember thinking…well…I guess he’s had his calcium for the day.