The alarm goes off at 5:01. My clock really says 5:15, but that’s because I’ve set it forward 14 minutes. Like faking myself out makes getting up at this ungodly hour any easier.
5:03: I pry my carcass out of bed and fire up my computer. I zip downstairs for a “speed pee” and then back to my ‘puter.
5:07: I sit down at my Dell. determined I will get some blogging done today. I will. I WILL. I need to get ready for
8-5 lock-down my delightful job by no later that 6:30 6:40 6:45. And that time between now and then FLIES. Need to write. NeedtowriteNeedtowrite.
5:08: But first I must check Hotmail. Quickly. But I have to. There might be a golden opportunity or a customer wanting to pay me $100, 000.00 to blog for them. Yes, I am that good.
5:09: Ohh looky! A new blog. Mama likey. Ok, ok, ok…I’ll just give it a peek, subscribe and some back to it later. Oohhh loook. She has an awesome blogroll…..
5:30: Sh*t got distracted by Shiny objects (blogs) and more shiny Objects (Facebook). With a side order of Shinier Objects (Twitter).
Focus Mommy, FOCUS. Oh wait! There’s an offer for a free sample of Shiny Objects! (Folgers Coffee).
5:35: Verbal “thwack” to the head. Back to blogging. Seriously. Quit dickin around.
5:37: *ping* of “new email” chimes faintly in the background. My BP rises and palms start to sweat. Soooo, who was it? Another newsletter I’ll never have time to read? Flo from Progressive wanting me to be her replacement? That million dollar offer I’ve been waiting for?
5:38. (check) None of the above. *sigh*. FOCUS.
5:45: Freddy, what do you want? (dog). You gotta pee? Are you serious? Can’t you just cross your legs? I’m groovin here. Hold it? NO? Sh*t.
6:00: Note to self: Teach Fred the fine art of the “speed pee.”
6:01: Before I resume blogging and creating greatness, need to zip (quickly) over to eBay. Maybe there’s a bidding war going on over my Bunn CoffeeMaker Grounds Basket. I need some jing to bulk up my BlogHer 2012 fund.
6:03: Nada. Nothing sold. Poo. Must write now.
6:15: Oh Lord-love-a-duck my bowels are awakening. Are you seriously? Can’t you wait? No? FRICK. Damn coffee.
6:25: OK. Hardcore, I am writing like NOW. Yes now. Wait! I forgot I need to do some posting for my Social Media customers! Cccrrraaappp! Hootsuite, here I come.
6:40: Frantically search You Tube for a suitable video to post (need to get something up on my blog today). Though the dog video entitled Bruno Needs to Poop is tempting, I opt for Positive Thoughts Of The Day. On the Mom Squad Central, I try my best to keep things
6:45: What Fred? Pee AGAIN? Arg. I’m getting you diapers.
6:47: Oohhh, so you CAN speed pee? Fabulous. Time to get ready for work…already.
6:50: Depression sets in.
6:55: Hubby reminds me it’s my day to do the cross-country-trek to daycare.
Eff-bomb. Let me check my Hotmail one.more.time. I really need that $100,000.00 job offer. Like, ASAP.